FREE · NO CALL NEEDED · 29 OCT – 11 NOV
Get your website roasted. Kindly. 🔥
Send us your link. We record a short video walk-through of your site: what works, what is quietly costing you enquiries, and the 3 fixes we would do first. Free, no obligation, usually within one business day.
Why a roast? Because your visitors already roast you, silently.
People decide in seconds whether to stay. If they can't tell what you do, where to click, or what it costs, they don't complain. They just leave and ask your competitor. In one review of 155 random business homepages, the typical site had 3 of 6 common, fixable problems, like slow mobile loading or tap targets that are too small (source: BugViso, October 2026). A roast shows you yours, in plain words.
How it works
- Send your link with the form below. 30 seconds.
- We record a 2–3 minute video on your real site, phone view first. Usually within one business day (Mon–Fri).
- You get the video plus your top 3 fixes by email. Keep it, share it with your web person, or do the fixes yourself.
- Want it done for you? Pick a fixed-price rescue below. No surprise invoices.
What we roast
- ⚡ The 5-second test: is it obvious what you sell and what to click?
- 📱 Phone view: readable text, buttons you can actually tap.
- 🐢 Speed: heavy images and slow pages.
- 🤝 Trust: padlock, real photos, reviews, contact that gets answered.
- 🔎 Getting found: page titles, Google Business link, helpful pages.
- ⏱️ Time-savers: online booking, FAQ, instant auto-replies, so you stop typing the same answers.
How we're different
- Prices on the page. No "contact us for a quote" mystery.
- See before you pay. Browse our live website demos and portfolio first.
- Start with 50%. Pay half to start a build, the rest on handover.
- Care after launch, priced fairly. Many US agencies charge US$99–150 a month for basic website care. Ours starts at AED 180 (about US$49) a month. Cancel anytime.
- Fun, not jargon. You get plain-English videos, not a 40-page audit nobody reads.
The rescue menu (fixed prices)
| Rescue | What you get | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Business Website | Mobile-ready site built on your content, with the fixes from your roast. | AED 899 start with AED 449.50 |
| Website + Logo + Cards | Everything a new or refreshed business needs, in one go. | AED 1,099 AED 869 with code FOUNDING5 until 10 Nov |
| Launch Your Store | Shopify store setup plus 3 months of website care. | AED 1,449 |
| Website Care Plans | Monthly updates, backups, small edits and a health report. Basic, Pro or Commerce. | AED 180 / 365 / 949 per month |
| Business Care Pack | Invoice Autopilot Starter plus the first month of Basic website care. | AED 1,099 |
Code FOUNDING5 (full payment) and FOUNDING5DEP (50% deposit) apply to the Website + Logo + Cards bundle and end on 10 Nov 2026 at 11:59 PM Dubai time. Prices in AED; your checkout may show your local currency.
🔥 Roast my website
Tell us where to look. We reply by email only.
Questions
Is it really free? Yes. You get the video and your top 3 fixes whether you buy anything or not.
Do I need to get on a call? No. Everything comes by email. If you want to talk it through, just reply.
I don't have a website yet. Send your Instagram or Google Business link instead. We'll show what a simple site would add and what it would cost.
Where are you? We work online with businesses in the USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Europe and the Gulf.
Will this be mean? Only to your loading speed. To you, we're nice. 😄
Creator? We roast YouTube Shorts and Reels hooks too. See what's coming in our creator apps, and if you'd like to earn by sharing them, read our affiliate programme.
Results depend on your business and market; a roast is advice, not a guarantee. An Eseries Now AI Development Initiative · Powered by eportalnow.com